Thursday, March 5, 2009

blue tango

blue tango, blue tango, my tango
my tango, my tango, blue

ever so slowly, i'm trying to find my way back to the university. the semester has begun, classes are starting, and the institute slowly awakes from one month of half-slumber.

starting this semester, i've gotten two small jobs at the institute. one is being a tutor for the class of classical tibetan. that means having a 90 minute lesson per week where the students can come and ask questions, review what they have done, practice and have me help with their homework.
one of the good things about being a tutor is that it makes you review the topics of the class yourself, meaning i'll brush up my deep inside knowledge of classical tibetan grammar terminology.

there are times, when i realise what a small bubble i'm living my life in, here. since two and a half years i am living in vienna now, and haven't once gone out to party in the evenings... i'm so utterly uncool.
seriously though, i still get the holiday-vacation feeling when i'm in the centre of the city and not moving on the regular paths between my flat and the university.

also, i'm getting old. time passes so quickly, and though i have no care for the physical process of aging, i think much about getting older (growing up), mentally.
there are days when it seems the steps with which you get older (in the figurative sense of getting more experienced in life, etc) all seem to be made of something pure inside you getting tainted, stained or broken. i wrote a short poem about this, recently, but am too unhappy with it to share it here.
it isn't always only negative developments, though. yesterday, a friend told me "you've definitely had some development before you became this wise." and he began to describe me when he first saw me, in a lecture in my first semester. growing is multidimensional, after all.

blue tango, blue tango, my tango
my tango, my tango, blue

(Paolo Conte)


weshookhands said...

i pretty much feel about aging the way you do. be it that my divine childish naivity is stained with bills and bills i cannot pay or the need to get myself to dive into some boring universitary "intellect" of unknown complexity.

i think the two of us (along with others) have always been "older" in some sense than a lot of our birthwise companions through time, but to me, it no longer feels like we're in advance or ahead of them but like our bodies have started slowly growing up to match our brains.

age ain't nothing but a number.

saturninus said...

getting older is totally multidimensional.
though I am just starting to feel the real dimensions of it.
and I am not (only) talking about the physical ageing now, but of the stunning sight when you look back and realise how much you have changed without even noticing it.