Saturday, September 27, 2008


All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go,
Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane,
my yesterday was spent at the airport. coming there at noon, i was told an airplane had plummeted off the runway and thus caused the whole airport to be shut for incoming and outgoing flights until the site was cleared. they told me to listen to the announcements, while waiting at my gatenumbereleven, for our flight might be delayed, or cancelled, or we might be taken to another airport.
as i sat and waited, a great variety of flights of different airlines were cancelled, and some others taken to different cities. about the flight to budapest, however, no information was to be heard. around two, they told us we'd get information at three. at three, they told us to wait for news at five. before five, we finally got food vouchers, after having waited for hours already. shortly after that, while i was standing in the infinite queue to get something to drink or eat, our flight was announced to have been cancelled. it was five pm.

now, instead of spending the last days of my summer holidays at sweet love's place, i'm back in essen for a few more days. as all flights for the next few days are full, i decided to take a train to vienna on monday. the finally last long train ride of this summer. in this moment, i am all alone at home. all friends have other plans, family is out and this is when the pain of not spending the much anticipated weekend with my loved one hurts the most.
Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

otherwise, i'm in my grieg period, piano wise. having learned lyric pieces' first song arietta a few months ago, i decided to try and learn the opus from beginning to end. in the last weeks here, i made my way through the first waltz, the watchman's song and have now reached alfedans, the dance of the elves. what a stunning little song, that sends my fingers breaking off my hands and flying across the room every time i practice it. learning it will be a long way.

[lyrics: John Denver - Leaving on a Jetplane]

Thursday, September 18, 2008

summer to autumn

this is fiction.

the doorbell rings and i'm in the cellar, searching for a glass to store the mint that dried outside. summer is waning, and soon autumn will creep into the dried leaves; better find a container to store them before that.
crouched before an old locker, a bathroom locker put down for ever in a dark corner, and searching its innards in the vain hope of finding a forgotten preserving jar, the doorbell rings. and i know who has come.

cellar leaves a fine dirt under my socks, which i've never inspected though often imagined. i open the door and there she stands, sil, in all her very usual appearance. she greets, shying a moment of awkwardness away, and i react according.
"such a beautiful weather" and "everything is redecorated", she exclaims into an uneasy silence as we proceed to the living room. me, carrying a tray of tea, her, carrying a bag and a red sweater; we both tiptoe past the history that lingers behind our foreheads. sitting down into an uneasy situation, i busy myself with the tea.

"i had a dream; there was a rosary. someone must've lost it right there on the floor in front of my door. and i left it hanging on the knob, thinking the person might come back and find it there. the dream forwarded and i stood in the little shop on the corner, carrying a pot full of soup, and asked the guy wether this rosary - at which it dangles from my hand, unbelonging and completely out of place - by any chance belongs to his wife."

she never shared her dreams. once in high school, i remember, we had an argument about people telling their dreams. never, she said, would she share her dreams, for they are too personal to her and besides, they're so chaotic she doesn't understand them herself. so why tell them?
so why tell them. where does this come from; why now does she tell me her dream? i sip my tea, she sips hers, and a silence muffles everything around. like this we sit, each trying to appear deep in thought. the uneasy silence has found us, and my thoughts drift back to the dried mint, the preserving jar, the old bathroom locker in the basement. autumn has arrived, summer has ended.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Friday, September 12, 2008

not quite yet

it never stops feeling peculiar and strange, getting back home here in germany. even though i've put a lot of distance and development between myself now and back before i left, it still entangles me very much.
nowadays, though, it feels different. maybe, finally, i've become so else that the things don't seem to fit to me that much, anymore; don't seem to affect that much. rather, they hunt a self i was what now seems a long time ago, and it seems i have gained distance from that me. i'm glad.

sorry for not beginning with the promised chronicles yet, but somehow writing doesn't seem that fluent these days, and besides being lazy about preparing the pictures i don't spend a lot of time on the pc. last evening my mother and i went to a splendid organ concert, the majority of which was very inspiring - most of all reger.

wow; my blog has had a visitor from kazakhstan! come out, come out, wherever you are and share yourself - talk to me!

Monday, September 8, 2008

coming soon

heute saß ich am klavier, nachdem ich eine endlose ewigkeit von mehr als zwei wochen an keinem klavier war, und da schlug wieder einmal die ganze riesige unbegreifliche schönheit des instrumentes über mir zusammen.

today, after an endless infinity of more than two weeks without a piano, i sat at mine; and at once the vast and unbelievable beauty of the instrument washed over me.

i'll be updating soon - in the next few days - with the chronicles of our journey. so be patient and stay tuned until i sort out the pictures...